In these days of free for all, it seems that if sex is “consensual” then whatever form it happens to take is okay. There was a case a few years ago of a very high profile football player (quarterback-went on to be #1 in NFL draft) at a major university who was accused by a woman of sexual assault. He didn’t deny that the events happened, but what might be worse, he insisted that the events were consensual. However, these events involved multiple football players receiving oral sex from this woman. She said that while she did go to his apartment, and was considering a sexual dalliance with this BMOC, what actually took place was not consensual. His defense was, the whole thing was consensual. I say so what? Even if she had consented to giving oral sex to multiple football players, does that make it right? What does that say about the QB’s character if that’s his defense? What are the limits of acceptability for somebody like him, or if it was consensual, someone like her?
Well for him, and for his University, there was apparently no limit to what was acceptable, because with him the team was a national power, without him (after he was drafted), just pretty darn good. It’s hard to believe, but from accounts I read, the University, the local and campus police, the local newspapers, the boosters and other stakeholders in the success of the football team defended his actions and tried to shame her to silence. The rallying cry was “It was consensual!” Lest my point get lost, my rallying cry is “I don’t give a damn about consensual” (nor the football team, nor the QB, nor the U.).
IT WAS WRONG. But what if she wanted it too? IT WAS WRONG. What about sex with little children, or animals, or robots? WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! “Wrong” implies a standard has been violated. I have refrained from naming the QB or the University, because I want to keep this post on the level of principle, not players. But I have to give the year this occurred for perspective. In 2018, we have the power of #METOO. In 2013, no such thing. In 2016, the University settled her lawsuit for $950,000 without admitting liability for mishandling her complaint. Nine months before this settlement, this same QB was accused by a female Uber driver of grabbing her crotch during a ride. During the course of the NFL investigation into this incident, it came out that the other passenger, who defended the QB, was also one of the football players accused in the 2013 college incident.
Just imagine if the women were of a higher profile and these took place after #METOO. I’m not sure how it would be handled, because that movement also seems to defend the “consensual standard.” I want to propose a better standard. “If it’s icky, it’s sicky.”