This is what happens when aliens turn English into Scottish.

Years ago, when Monty Python’s Flying Circus was on, they had a sketch about aliens developing a ray which turned Englishmen Englishfolk into Scotsmenfolk. Before long, Scotland was overrun by these turncoats (albeit, through no fault of their own). Based on the recent action of Scotland’s parliament, I’d say Scotland has been thoroughly colonized by the Blancmange, the aliens who developed the ray.

Fast forward to December 18, 2018. This is not satire. National Review reports: Scotland’s Parliament has made the decision to ban “gingerbread men” from a coffee shop at its capitol over concerns that the name of the cookie perpetuates sexism. Each of these cookies will now instead be called a “gingerbread person”……..

Let’s see if I have this right: gingerbread men are sexist, no, that’s not it, they are inanimate after all, so the modifier of gingerbread figures, being men, is sexist? Does that mean men are sexist, or the word itself is sexist? What is sexist anyway? Whatever it is, it must be pretty serious for the Scottish parliament to even discuss it, let alone ban gingerbread men over it. The purpose of this exercise is…..what? According to the news source, the change was made after it was discovered that more than 30 percent of female ministers in Holyrood (for my American readership, Holyrood Castle is the official residence of the Scottish king and queen, not a misspelling of Hollywood) said that they had suffered some sort of sexual harassment. Hmm, two thoughts: the female ministers are probably government rather than religious officials, since Parliament is right next to Holyrood, and thus probably have the power to punish malefactors, unless such malefactors are their bosses, and what exactly constitutes sexual harassment in their case? I would guess this is aimed at their bosses, higher ministers of some sort.I actually don’t think that the name of a seasonal cookie is responsible for workplace sexual harassment. I actually don’t think that there are men out there who are perfectly good, well-behaved dudes, and who then see these cookies and as a result suddenly cannot stop themselves from sexually harassing women. I also doubt that any workplace predators are going to see that the names of the cookies were changed and then go, “Oh wow! Gingerbread persons. I guess I shouldn’t be telling Susan her a** looks nice when she comes in to work the morning!” says the writer of this article National Review, who is a woman. She’s right, and pretty angry at the meaningless gesture. Okay, I think I just got the answer to my second question. Sexual harassment is telling a woman her ass looks nice (aside, the British term for ass is bum, but maybe Scottish men persons say ass, and either way, that’s low class).

Enough gratuitous humor, what about better ideas? 1. Keep calling them gingerbread men, but paint a red stain on their crotch to suggest castration; 2. Sell gingerbread women too, armed with gingerbread brass knuckles, gingerbread AR-15, and a chastity belt; 3. Position both gingerbread sexes in anti-harassment displays, with the women standing over the men, who are prostrate; 4. Feature only sexually ambiguous gingerbread figures in the gift shop; 5. My favorite, keep the gingerbread folk as they are, and castrate the human malefactors, and then parliament for this whole stupid idea.

Author: iamcurmudgeon

When I began this blog, I was a 70 year old man, with a young mind and a body trying to recover from a stroke, and my purpose for this whole blog thing is to provoke thinking, to ridicule reflex reaction, and provide a legacy to my children.

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