Do you know what you are reading here? Sure, Uncle Curmudgeon has lost his marbles, his birds have flown, his elevator stopped going all the way to the top. You wish! I absolutely need captions to understand what is being said in movies, on TV, videos. You probably don’t. That means you have missed one of the truly humorous experiences of life. No, not the weird things I answer when someone asks me a question that I thought I understood, and actually didn’t. My answers could be considered either humorous or senile. No, those truly humorous moments are when captions try to express the noises of inanimate objects.
I was watching my favorite show, Billions, when one of the main characters was having a crisis. She went into the bathroom to wash her face and get herself back together. Just before she put on her game face, the captions read, “faucet turns off, squeaks.” Then, in case you didn’t know what kind of courage it took to adopt that game face, the captions helpfully reminded you, with “dramatic music.”
Like I said, if you don’t use captions, you’re missing half the fun. Okay, you don’t need them…. or at least you don’t think you do. I wasn’t even aware of my hearing loss until a particularly glaring example of not hearing someone’s question. She really reamed me out for ignoring her. My back was turned and I wasn’t even aware she had asked a question. Perhaps you should consider a hearing test, just in case. But even if you truly don’t need captions, should you be intrigued by the silliness of captioning the noises of inanimate objects, turn them on for about a week. If you find that both seeing and hearing what the characters are saying enhances your experience, you may send me a thank you gift, emphatically not tax deductible, to PO Box 9397, Spokane, Washington. 99209. If it doesn’t enhance your experience, and distracts you enough to miss a plot twist in Game of Thrones, or whatever you binge on, then you have an excuse to watch reruns. Either way, you’ll thank me.