Older women, younger men, and cultural reversal.

shocking coincidence

I read another hilarious and insightful post on Takimag.com, which presents a perspective on male female relationships that I think few are aware of, at least consciously, but a particular subculture of heterosexual men cisgender males, toxic and otherwise, react to while failing to fully embrace the implications. Before I get to that, I want to reveal my own biases. I am writing this post while enjoying a chai latte at Indaba Coffee in the Kendall Yards neighborhood of Spokane, Washington. Kendall Yards is a “planned community” within the city limits (you should look it up on any search engine but google—they hate freedom of speech—but do not move here). I have been here multiple times, as I live nearby in a “transitional” neighborhood—in between slovenly and neat neighborhoods. Everyone who hangs out here in KY is relatively attractive, well groomed, mostly heterosexual mostly couples. The older ones appear to be happily married, the younger ones all have little kids, everyone is polite and friendly….I remind you, don’t move here. I choose to hang out here rather than the slovenly side of my neighborhood for a simple reason. I would rather watch attractive, well groomed people than ugly slovenly ones. If you are honest, so would you! Onwards to Taki:

It seems today that men not only want a woman with experience, but prefer that she have more of it. For sheltered millennial men, who lack adult milestones as well as life experience, a woman who has seen the show before might be just what the doctor ordered. In an era of declining maturity, perhaps older men are not as mature, rich, and wise as they used to be. And if they are not, they will have a harder time competing with younger men. If a beautiful middle-aged woman is going to live with an Iron Man-watching man-child, why not go for one who’s 28 and not 48? For women, all things being the same they’ll choose the cuter guy with more stamina in the bedroom.

Every few weeks Internet dating site OkCupid uses the power of anonymized data to share a few truths about the online dating scene and human nature in general. To be sure, these reports are often highly controversial and aren’t going to be showing up in scientific literature any time soon, but they’re generally interesting (and often amusing) reads. The latest report to come out addresses ‘Your Looks And Your Inbox’, charting the number of messages users receive in relation to how attractive other members rate them. For one, men on the site tend to be more generous than women when it comes to rating attractiveness, leading to a nice bell curve with the bulk of ratings falling around ‘average’. But despite their fair ratings, they tend to ignore many of the women they find reasonably attractive and primarily target the most attractive females. Women, on the other hand, are harsh with their ratings. According to the study, they rate a whopping 80% of men on the site as ‘below average’. My first guess was that there was an issue with self-selection here (i.e. unattractive men congregate on the site for whatever reason). But the study includes photos of four pretty normal looking guys who were all rated to be unattractive.

This study, to me, is a great example of long term cause effect. When I was younger, I used to wonder why so many attractive women were willing to be seen with truly hideous men, while very few men of any appearance were with ugly women, despite the cultural advice of a black musical group from Detroit called The Hot Nuts (who played a role in the later popularity of rhythm and blues with white college audiences. Their first album had a picture of the band on the cover, with the leader, Doug Clark “flipping the bird” to the audience. All of the Hot Nuts albums were on the “Gross” label, a subsidiary of Jubilee Records created solely for the band. Even though Jubilee published a line of “party” records with risqué material, the Jubilee name did not appear anywhere on the Gross albums. Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts should NOT be confused with Dick Clark and American Bandstand). Their most famous song was “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.” I’m sure it’s still on YouTube because Black Lives Matter still trumps feminism.

I chalked up the pretty woman/ugly male (they weren’t really men in full) syndrome to two factors: 1. Women are less superficial than men; 2. They’re more sympathetic than men. Maybe I was wrong on both counts, or as I right but feminism taught the modern woman not to settle for a hippy dippy troll. As the latest pseudoscience from OKCupid shows, women are no longer less superficial nor more sympathetic than men, and finally they appear to have rebelled against whatever cultural zeitgeist rewarded them for going out with ugly males. That’s cause-effect people! I don’t care to speculate where we are headed, but it seems ugly, scruffy males have banded together in social media subgroups, especially on Reddit, called incels i.e. involuntary celibates. They blame women for not wanting sex with them, and have more or less given up the hope of “getting laid”. That language is part of their problem—women still want to be romanced and respected, rather than simply laid, unlike chickens, their eggs are internal. So here’s my advice to the incels: Hey guys, first look in the mirror. If your features are ugly, you can groom or dress better. You can stand straighter. You can look women in the eyes, but don’t overdo it. You can speak more intelligently, you can read books instead of binging on Ironman reruns or getting calluses from playing Call of Duty. Try getting calluses from Working, you will probably shed some pounds. Make yourself more interesting. Evaluate your circle of friends; we become like the people we associate with and the books we read. “Uh, I don’t read.” My friends, that’s the single easiest thing to remedy. Put away the remote and the video game controller for a few weeks, read magazines, books, websites like Takimag.com, Nationalreview.com, take free online courses from Hillsdale.edu (the best college in the US). Get educated, become interesting, become smarter, and your sex life might just surprise you. If you have a man bun, cut it off; if you have a scruffy beard, trim it; if your clothes are dirty or wrinkled, wash and press ‘em, or even better, have them professionally laundered! If you’re ugly, guess what. The women who rated men below average in that OKCupid study approached them anyhow, so stop making excuses.

Author: iamcurmudgeon

When I began this blog, I was a 70 year old man, with a young mind and a body trying to recover from a stroke, and my purpose for this whole blog thing is to provoke thinking, to ridicule reflex reaction, and provide a legacy to my children.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s