The secret Starbucks woke drink menu, code-named “Berkeley.”

I found out about it when I mistakenly grabbed someone else’s mobile order, thinking it was my regular Americano, and discovered the White-Privilege latte: blond roast coffee beans, foamed white macadamia milk with a hint of white sugar, in an all-white cup with the Starbucks logo in blond rather than green. Ugh, I like stuff that is robust. When I complained to the barista that I needed something really strong to counteract the cloying taste in my mouth, she leaned really close and asked, “how strong do you like it?” Hoping that her question was sexual innuendo rather than customer service, I shot back, “how strong can you make it?” while trying to roll my eyes, but I also lost my balance and reached out to grab her hand, as she pulled me close and whispered throatily, “have you heard of our secret drink menu? You have to say the magic word, Berkeley, and that gives me access to a secret room where we make the woke drinks.”

Recovering my balance, if not my composure and dignity, I asked in my most assertive voice, “what do you recommend?” She said, “if you can really handle super dark, I recommend the Black-Lives-Matter mocha. It’s 85% cacao dark syrup, in a cup of Ethiopia Sidamo French Roast, with foamed chocolate milk, in a brown cup with the Starbucks logo in black. Very classy.” As she led me through the secret portal, I was tempted to say, “you’re not so bad yourself” but just then another customer who was already in the secret menu room ordered a #MeTo-Mocha Frappuccino, while eyeing me suspiciously, and that put an end to my fantasy. All around the room were posters of the woke menu drinks: Get-The-Blue-Out-of-Here blueberry lemonade, made with albino “blueberries” and off limits to police, Transgender Chai-Creme Frappuccino, Pinkberri-Soccer-Matcha tea latte, intended to honor Megan Rapinoe (free to anyone who can produce LGBTQ credentials and pink-purple hair), and the actual drink that inspired the whole menu, the Tie-Dye Holdover-Hippie Frappuccino, in both adult and child strengths.

I went with the Black-Lives-Matter mocha. Just as I was about to raise my cup, a mob of 40+ teenagers–that’s in number, not age nor maturity–rampage into the store, having just looted and vandalized the Walgreens across the street, with an Antifa vanguard shoving the Starbucks customers out of the way. I spilled my boiling hot mocha all over the woman with the #MeTo-Mocha-Frappuccino, prompting a roundhouse slap to my right eye, knocking my glasses off, into a vat of Frappuccino syrup. The store manager rushed over, asking the Antifa leader if he needed a witness, in case he wanted to sue me for being in the way (but he moaned that he was late for dinner at mommy’s house). She also offered me a coupon for a free Starbucks training called How to Tell the Disabled From the Merely Clumsy.

Having lost both my glasses and my cane in the melee, I was in no mood. Fortunately, before I made a nasty remark, I woke up. Remind me not to drink a tie-dye Frap before bed again.

“If you disagree with me, you are not only wrong, but evil.”

Democrats under the covers…

Maureen Dowd is a prototypical super-liberal columnist. In a recent Op-Ed in the NY Times, she said that a certain group “acts as though anyone who dares disagree with them is bad. Not wrong, but bad, guilty of some human failing, some impurity that is a moral evil that justifies their venom.” Now we honest conservatives–and anyone with ears to hear, eyes to see, at least minimal brain power–know that is how the Perfectionist Progressives treat us. Who was the group saying what Dowd was referring to? It was the Progressives in the Democrats’ shiny, new electees! No surprise there. The surprise was the group that is the object of their wrath was–the Democrat leadership! Stop the presses, the young Perfectionist Progressives are turning the fire hoses of their wrath on their own leaders! Because they know best.

The A.O.C. crew threw down the gauntlet in a recent opinion piece in The Washington Post by The Intercept’s Ryan Grim. He wrote that when Pelosi and other Democratic mandarins try to keep the image of the party centrist, they are crouching in “the defensive posture” they’ve been in since the Reagan revolution. Corbin Trent, a spokesman for A.O.C. and co-founder of Justice Democrats, the progressive group that helped propel her, told Grim: “The greatest threat to mankind is the cowardice of the Democratic Party,” with the older generation “driven by fear” and “unable to lead.”

“Unable to lead?” Lead where, off the cliff, as in almost ALL the Perfectionist Progressive new ideas and unworkable policies? “Driven by fear?” Of what, of whom? Establishment Republicans? Puleese! No, fear of The Donald, who inconveniently happens to be President, mean tweets and all. Too bad, M.A.G.A. baby.

If thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou hast polluted it.

God’s altar vs. man’s altar

The title is from Exodus 20:25, inspiring this meditation of Charles Spurgeon:

“God’s altar was to be built of unhewn stones, that no trace of human skill or labour might be seen upon it. Human wisdom delights to trim and arrange the doctrines of the cross into a system more artificial and more congenial with the depraved tastes of fallen nature; instead, however, of improving the gospel carnal wisdom pollutes it, until it becomes another gospel, and not the truth of God at all. All alterations and amendments of the Lord’s own Word are defilements and pollutions.

“The proud heart of man is very anxious to have a hand in the justification of the soul before God; preparations for Christ are dreamed of, humblings and repentings are trusted in, good works are cried up, natural ability is much vaunted, and by all means the attempt is made to lift up human tools upon the divine altar. It were well if sinners would remember that so far from perfecting the Saviour’s work, their carnal confidences only pollute and dishonour it. The Lord alone must be exalted in the work of atonement, and not a single mark of man’s chisel or hammer will be endured. There is an inherent blasphemy in seeking to add to what Christ Jesus in His dying moments declared to be finished, or to improve that in which the Lord Jehovah finds perfect satisfaction. Trembling sinner, away with thy tools, and fall upon thy knees in humble supplication; and accept the Lord Jesus to be the altar of thine atonement, and rest in him alone.

“There is among Christians far too much inclination to square and reconcile the truths of revelation; this is a form of irreverence and unbelief, let us strive against it, and receive truth as we find it; rejoicing that the doctrines of the Word are unhewn stones, and so are all the more fit to build an altar for the Lord.”

The human desire for popularity and the fear of confrontation, confrontaphobia, are the most visible manifestations of “the proud heart of man”, which drives the never ending molding of scripture to fit the culture–the accumulation of the “depraved tastes of the fallen nature.” Even my commentary on Spurgeon is a manifestation of my depraved heart and desire to be respected. Therefore, I shut my mouth. I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” – Job 42:6.