Our billionaire president should put his own money where his mouth has led him.

Go one, go all…

President Trump is wealthy, insufferably arrogant, rude, crude and tattooed—I don’t know about the last one, but it does make a nifty rhyme. Aren’t hair plugs sort of a tattoo? Well, no matter, as usual I have digressed, regressed, transgressed—not really the last two, but once again I yielded to the rhyming impulse. Remember all the outrage over the famous tweet regarding the squad where the prez strongly implied they should go back where they came from (which only literally applied to Omar) and apply their infinite store of wisdom to correcting ills wherever they land, then come back here and show us how it’s done? That tweet contained the germ of a really great idea. What if it were possible to apply the concept of the gun buyback program to an immigrant buyback program?

It would not take that much money, and has been offered to German immigrants already. Here’s the offer: Any immigrant in the United States who hates their adoptive country—the USA—and complains about racism, bigotry, lack of opportunity, hatred, violence, or any other supposedly uniquely American problem, can get a “grubstake” (Old West term for subsistence allowance) to go back where they came from. Since President Trump has so much money, and suggested the idea-well, sort of-he could offer the initial funds. How much should he offer? The fairest way is to base the buyback on the per capita difference between annual income in the United States and the immigrant’s country of origin. The greater the gap, the greater the offer/stipend/bribe/grubstake. Omar is the perfect candidate, because the offer would be huge, Somalia being failed in every way, not the least because Omar’s own family was among the ruling elite (also known as dictators, tyrants, warlords, thieves).

The offer also needs to be voluntary, and those desiring the moolah need to apply forthe program. It’s always best to test an idea before launching it. Who should be test cases? Omar definitely; Tlaib could become a permanent guest of her grandmother in the Palestinian authority territory; AOC, being Puerto Rican, could choose any Spanish speaking country south of our border, though Venezuela would get my vote; and Pressley any African country at all. You might make the point that the latter three are US born, but let’s not quibble, nor be stingy. They don’t like it here, but being politicians have no objection to being bribed, and have all kinds of great ideas that could benefit these new adoptive homelands. A reasonable counter argument is “these politicians have too much power to give it up, regardless of how much they hate America.” Just imagine how much more power they could have in Somalia, Gaza, Venezuela and Sudan, being superstars who voluntarily lived their ideals by rejecting the disgusting, racist, sexist, homophobic, islamophobic, hypocritical, consumption crazy, wealth inequality, tyrannical United States. None of them are going to get re-elected anyway, considering that the most visible and vocal among them, Ally Occasional Cortex, AOC, has only one registered donor to her campaign in her entire district, the lowest ever for a politician.

But it doesn’t matter whether they accept Trump’s generous offer or not. What matters is all the other proud America-haters who think building their reputations on adoptive nation hate is evidence of their integrity. The real trouble with my plan is this: You will have a lot of trouble actually finding any immigrants or refugees who hate America, even after living here, even after being chased around by ICE, even after hiding out in sanctuary cities. That is especially true of citizen immigrants, who are not worried about being deported, who can freely criticize, but seem sadly lacking in their desire to do so. That’s why I have a backup plan. If an immigrant is happy here, loves being American, sings Proud To Be An American while waving the Stars and Stripes—like at their naturalization ceremonies, where they are told, “you are now as much an American as someone who was born here” (and where else do they get THAT treatment?)—or simply lives their life in quiet gratitude for being here, I want them to stay! I think that’s pretty much most of them. The ones I propose for the backup plan are celebrity, media and college profs, especially those who have already loudly proclaimed their desire, and even intention, to emigrate.

Offering money to them to follow through on their threats, or offering money to the countries they want to move to as a kind of foreign aid, is even more effective at weakening our enemies than military action. I hear Tehran and Pyongyang are beautiful this time of the year. The fly in the ointment is that virtually all the celebrities who threatened to move will insist on being no more than a single flight away from Hollywood. The A-list (A for Anal): Alec Baldwin, Bryan Cranston, Barbra Streisand, Robert DeNiro, Miley Cyrus (please please do), Amy Schumer. Civil rights activist Al Sharpton told a reporter earlier this year that he’s “reserving my ticket out of here if [Trump] wins.” Lena Dunham told Andy Cohen at the Matrix Awards that “I know a lot of people have been threatening to do this, but I really will. I know a lovely place in Vancouver.” Not very brave Lena, it’s a nonstop flight to Hollywood. As for Samuel L. Jackson, “I’m moving my black ass to South Africa,” the movie star quipped to Jimmy Kimmel, if Trump wins. Attaboy Sammy, that’s courage of your convictions. Could you mansplain to me, though, why you then took the ultra-patriotic role of Col. Nick Fury in the Captain America movies? That guy makes Trump look like a pacifist! Let’s also include the entire newsroom of the NY Times, since their “1610 Project” paints the USA as cesspool of racism and theft of black labor. May they all be repatriated (or just simply patriated, though that’s probably not a word) to a more free and hospitable land! (Wherever that is!).

What say you America? Complainer buyback program, yea or nay?

Author: iamcurmudgeon

When I began this blog, I was a 70 year old man, with a young mind and a body trying to recover from a stroke, and my purpose for this whole blog thing is to provoke thinking, to ridicule reflex reaction, and provide a legacy to my children.

14 thoughts on “Our billionaire president should put his own money where his mouth has led him.”

  1. Let’s start with the fact most Americans are immigrants, and don’t belong here in the first place. You lied, cheated, stole the land you now think you own, or killed the owners so they could not protest your actiins. A fine point of pride!
    When most of you or your ancestors arrived, they were penniless, with barely the clothes on their bodies, hungry after half-starving during the voyage across the Atlantic. You had dreams, yeah, but they didn’t include being wage-slaves. In fact, you brought slaves over, beat the shit out of them, used their womenfolk to do all your dirtiest work, and raped them for your pleasure. Jup, decent, law-abiding folk you were, as long as you were writing the laws.
    Who the hell are you trying to kid? The pride of the world? No way! You are the shit of the world. And now you want to send home what you call the immigrants. Send yourselves home! That is the only good place for you.

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      1. I have found that ftire and such things do not come across well on the internet. There are no vocal tones, and no body language to go with it. Words only carry 10% of a communication. It takes a damn good writer to make satire visible.

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      2. Yes, that’s true, but once again, nothing can account for the perception of the reader. BabylonBee.com features outrageous satire, with absurd headlines and ridiculous photo-shopped graphics, yet Snopes insists they label their posts as satire. For example, this snippet: Headline: “Ben and Jerry’s Unveils Antifa-inspired ice cream flavors: The new flavors include Vegan Coconut Milkshake with Real Concrete Mix, Blood of the People You Disagree With, and Antifa Protester B.O. All the flavors are made with real ingredients, whether that’s blood harvested from people that Antifa threw a brick at or actual sweat from Antifa rioters.” Perhaps the reporter who got hit in the head with a chunk of concrete in a milkshake wouldn’t find it satire, but for the rest of us….

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      3. I guess this is my problem with the world today. Everything is turning black or white, and the shades of grey are disappearing.
        The reason I read the first post of yours was because it was featured on someone else’s blog, one of those “also read” things. You basically took on both sides of the American political system, which in itself is unusual in this climate, but it didn’t clarify a clear pro or anti Trump choice, and that is really unusual.
        I personally hate politics, I don’t believe government is a good thing for humans. But I cannot stand by and watch a small group of men in one nation on Earth try to destroy the whole world. That is not their choice to make, but it is their responsibility if they continue to go against humanity.
        Just thought I would let you know.
        Peace be with you.

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      4. I have never been “black or white” on most things, which is why blogging is a better forum for me than social media. I can engage, think more and sometimes get my own opinion changed. There’s no reason for me to mention Trump in most of my posts. The only thing I can say I really like about him is his willingness to stand up to our lying media. Yes, he also lies, but since our media will accuse him of lying even when he isn’t, and because he’s actually implemented more promised policies than any president I can remember, and especially because the other choices are worse (the pathetic state of politics), I will probably vote for him. Regarding that “small group trying to destroy the world”, which group is this? How specifically can this small group destroy the world? I refrain from making such global statements.

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      5. I have to make global statements, that is how I view life. Anyone who refuses to cut down on CO2 emissions is killing the world, Anyone who opens up protected environments to find more fossil fuels and destroy forests is killing the world. Anyone who thinks money is more important than healthy living is destroying the world. We might be tiny beings, but we are the most destructive beings on this world. If we destroy the habitats of creatures smaller than us, we are abdicating our responsibilitiy to other living beings.
        Living in your own little corner of the world, not caring what goes on in the bigger world around you, is disastrous to all. We all have to work together to create a better way of life. Working as individuals, doing only what we want to do, has been a failure for a long long time. We need to stand up and be counted, each and ever one of us. That you choose to believe the media is lying is up to you. But your children will die alongside mine.

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    1. If we are the “shit of the world”, what does that say about the immigrants who are so desperate to come here? Including single, male Central Americans who “rent or buy” children so they can pose as a family.?

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      1. They are people who have bought into the bullshit America uses to proclaim itself the “best in the world” at anything. And this is result of your boasting.
        Renting or buying children to make them look like a family? (I doubt the real parents would charge if they thought they could send their children to a better life.) But you would have to prove that to me with real facts. Not just third hand knowledge. Being a “family” is not a bonus in this political climate, it is more of a hindrance. I think you have been reading too many conspiracy theories…

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      2. From CNN, June, 7, 2019: “On Wednesday, ICE announced that a Honduran man was charged with allegedly smuggling a 3-year-old boy into the US. The man claimed the boy was his son and presented a fake birth certificate, according to charges.
        “Cases of ‘fake families’ are popping up everywhere. And children are being used as pawns,” said then-DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen in a speech in March. She also said DHS had uncovered “child recycling rings,” in which children were used repeatedly in an attempt to be released in the US.” You can claim our immigration officials are lying, though given the true horrors drug and human traffickers are perpetrating south of the border, why would they stop at renting children to get into the US?

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    2. I have re-read my post and your comments. It’s apparent that your rant has nothing to do with my actual words. Foer instance, “The ones I propose for the backup plan are celebrity, media and college profs, especially those who have already loudly proclaimed their desire, and even intention, to emigrate.” That’s not about immigrants, it’s about our own citizens twerps. Did you ever have your sense of humor surgically removed, or are you so blinded by your rhetoric and narratives that you can’t follow what you are reading? If you have an actual argument, let’s see it.

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      1. My reply was to remind you that any nonaboriginal American is an immigrant, but you seemed to have missed that. You are the son of immigrants, however near or far you are from their generation. But you look at yourself as a child of the land. No. This land belongs to us, not you.
        But you are as bad as your Mr. Trump IF you think you can now control who can and cannot come to America to try to find a better life than they had at home. That is exactly what your forefathers did, and we allowed them to come and we helped then survive in a world they were not prepared for. HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAY!
        You returned our generosity by slaughtering us and our main food source. And now you are refusing to offer other people the same chances your forefathers had. You are not honoring the unwritten pact we had of paying it forward. Share the land!
        Or, as your christ told you, “if a man needeth your cloak, give him your tunic too. ” Nowadays, if a man needs your cloak, shoot him and keep it to yourself. Very christian of you!
        Go home to wherever your forefathers came from, and see if they accept you back. I doubt it. You have been Americanized. And it shows in your words.

        Is that a good enough rant for you? Don’t bother answering! I already know the answer.

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      2. The land doesn’t belong to anyone, no matter how far back arbitrarily you deign to go. Aboriginal? So what? The Ainu were “aboriginal” in Japan, the Maoris in New Zealand, aboriginies in Australia, Montagnards in Vietnam. So what? Conquest is history, developing and holding the land matters in the end. The “Palestinians” like to say they were displaced by Israel (though they left of their own accord, expecting Israel to get annihilated–too bad), but they don’t go back far enough. The 12 tribes of Israel inhabited the “promised land” before the descendants of Ishmael settled there. So you don’t believe in the idea of national sovereignty? What about college admission standards, should anyone be admitted just because they want to. Yeah, you already know–the blessings of ignorance.

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