A helpful guide to the Western hemisphere “underrepresented”.

What is a historically underrepresented group? Underrepresented how? The Williams College Technology Summit for the Underrepresented (exploited by white men?) defines the group as “African Americans, Alaska Natives, Arab Americans, Asian Americans, Latinx, Native Americans, Native Hawaiians, and other Pacific Islanders.” This parsing of denizens of North America (assuming they mean Pacific Islanders who reside in the USA) has become so complicated in this age of smartphone-addicted glassy-eyed sleepwalkers mimicking early onset Alzheimer’s that I am stepping up with a handy dandy classification system for ALL denizens of the Western hemisphere.

My modest, humble, self-effacing system goes like this: North America and South America become N-amer and S-amer. Then each sovereign nation gets into the act. For example, Brazilians become S-amerBra, Mexicans become N-amerMex, Canadians become N-amerCan, citizens of the United States of America become Americans, like we are now. Before all you woke SJWs complain about the arrogance of this designation, I have a very practical reason for this appellation. Every ethnic or racial or sexual minority in the USA must have its own hyphenated designation. Not only that, but it must include ancestral country of origin. Origin of whom? Ancestors. How far back? Well, the National Paper of Record, modestly known as the New York Times, says this country began 400 years, so that’s how far back we should go. For example, a very dark skinned individual, to be fair, since I am a Caucasian, is Negro—a designation they object to, though it means black in Latin (our root language). So for the sake of better racial relations, I will use the English translation—black. Anyway, a black person in the United States, whose grandparents came from Jamaica, but whose line all the way 400 years was from Africa (and who probably has never been to either Jamaica or Africa), would in my system be AmerAf, or, if their ancestors were in Jamaica 400 years ago, they would be AmerJam (Ja might be confusing, since Japan also starts with those letters, and kids today are totally ignorant of geography, except knowing where Norway, home of the iconic Greta Thunberg is). Just imagine how much messier it would be if we had to say N-amerUS-Af or N-amerUS-Jam.

But we cannot stop there, because what about the sexually underrepresented? In America, we must be radically inclusive. So a homosexual (the G in LGBTQ) black American would be AmerAf-G or AmerJam-G. If lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer (aren’t queer and transgender somewhat redundant? ) would be AmerAf-L, AmerAf-B, and AmerAf-T. Isn’t that much better than N-amerUS-Af-T? We aren’t done yet. We can’t leave out the other groups, Alaska Natives, Arab Americans, Asian Americans, Latinx, Native Americans, Native Hawaiians, and other Pacific Islanders. In my system, the list would read AmerALN (N for native), AmerAr, AmerAs, AmerLaX, AmerN.A., AmerHawN and AmerPacIs. I object to lumping all Asians together, even though they all look alike (wink), so let’s get precise: AmerAsJap, AmerAsChi, AmerAsKor and so forth. If their sexual preference is not the usual, just add the hyphen and appropriate capital letter.

On second thought, maybe we should ditch the whole taxonomy, and just assign every citizen a number, or even a barcode on the forehead. Then put telescreens on every corner and in every room. Why not? After all, “WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.”

1984 chronologically has passed, but Orwell’s words remain: “Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And the process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Party is always right. Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it.” Newspeak is here. The inmates have seized control of the lexicon!

Author: iamcurmudgeon

When I began this blog, I was a 70 year old man, with a young mind and a body trying to recover from a stroke, and my purpose for this whole blog thing is to provoke thinking, to ridicule reflex reaction, and provide a legacy to my children.

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